The Spamboard Tourist board
Welcome to the board of spam. This strange and bizarre board is the place where you will find the weirdest and most peculiar denizens of the ogame boards. Here is a beginners guide to the spam board and how to avoid the pitfalls and embarrassments of being scorned by the residents.
The Spam board language is a mixture of English, 1337, phonetic English, text speak and the spam board dialect. The spam board dialect is practically unique and requires months of hard work before being able to speak it. The most common words are as follows:
/10- the opinion rated by the spammer. Sometimes used to describe if something has been used before (old/10), is evil (ebil/10), etc.
Banhammer- the method used by Bibob to ban people.
Buttsecks- fairly obvious what it means in the irl (real world, again spam board dialect) but in the spam board it is used for various different things. Towards friends it is sometimes a sign of affection and towards others it is a sign of disapproval (see the The "see if it can survive till next year" Thread).
Ebil- used to describe people that do nasty things
Humples- Currency of the Spamboard, is also used affectionately amongst friends but not as extreme as buttsecks.
Huggles- affection between residents of the spam board, sometimes used as currency. Is generally more accepted than other forms of affection.
IBC- In before closed. A phrase used by spammers in order to see how many posts they can spam the topic before it is closed by staff. Largenton has patented this phrase with the use of sporks >_>
Noob- reference to a person that has inexperience in spamming. Used as an insult sometimes towards fellow spammers.
Pwnt- this person has been beaten in a battle of wits between the two spammers.
Sniped- often used as a smiley as well. This means to post just before another user writes something or in the The "see if it can survive till next year" Thread a warning for invaders to get out (see topics and their denizens).
Poll threads- These threads are strange. Whenever, the spam board community is asked a question the overall majority always votes Jellyfish or Yellyfish. This strange behaviour means that the spammers rarely are democratic and rely on the advice of older spammers of the legend type to lead them. People reckon there is a conspiracy of jellyfish on the spamboard and it can be attributed to one of the great legends Weyoun who wished to put jellyfish in a political alliance with the pandas against their foe the penguins.
The rest of the language can be easily picked up by experiencing other forums and places on the Ogame Board.
The Spamboard has a special etiquette that at first may sound strange and bizarre. First time tourists should avoid breaching these rules as immediate pwnage will follow and warnings and bans may occur.
1. Listen to helpful advice from older players. Usually they give good advice - they might be old and crotchety but sometimes you get some good advice (amongst the good natured putdowns)
2. Never pwn the front page. Do this and you will be called a troll and receive a warning.
3. Spam with purpose. Every post should be either relevant, funny or amazing. Do not just post for the sake of it.
4. Never say “I win” when posting on the last post game. It’s noobish and should only be done by members that are old, wise and generally trying to be funny.
5. Do not post in the “The "see if it can survive till next year" Thread”. Any new person posting for the first time, unless amazingly funny or a legend/veteran/mod. The term invader will be used and horrible buttsecks and sniping will be conducted on the invader.
6. The spammers are insane. Expect everything, sarcastic putdowns, random surprises and buttsecks.
Gender Changes in the Spam Board
Gender is a selective process in the spam board with many residents changing their sex quite often. Some speculate they are confused about their sexuality whilst others say its just a wind up in imitation of Airhead. Any visitors to the board should automatically assume that the whole lot are asexual and that only the following people should be considered to be female:
Chryssie, Naughty Angel, JCH, Eclectic, Musy, Cassandra Vandales, Fallen Demoness (FD), Discord, Kimmi, Seven Secksy Sins, Fiery Angel and MED on Thursdays
Mild flirting with said ladies is usually ok (except FD, who will castrate you), however, the tourist is advised to not take it too far as a flaming insult often offends.
Some of the threads on the spam board are legendary. Most of the spammers post on one or two of the famous threads daily and some have just turned into giants of the board.
The Last Post Game. One of the most famous threads on the spam board. Was once a thread that people tried to be the last poster, now is the daily chat thread. It’s always on the front page and has been closed several times due to admin being ebil and cheating. Currently Ath (see spamboard legends) is the highest posting user.
Made it to 20 000, Onward to 50 000!- A counting thread. Purpose unknown and many speculate it is an ebil plot to take over ogame and the world.
Post Your Ctrl+V- No idea what this is for. Possible theories include boredom and world domination.
The "see if it can survive till next year" Thread- The place where veterans and legends post away from normal spammers. This allows them to gripe about the state of spammers today and torture invaders. Original aim was to last until 1/1/2007. However, as seen the inhabitants have been stuck in a time warp and refuse to believe 2006 has ended..........
Bump topic- again pointless thread. Aim is to bump it when it reaches the second page. No idea of purpose. This may be to allow spammers to use up their boredom.
ME>>VS<<Gorelord- A competition between the infamous Gorelord and Defile. Now degenerated into a discussion thread. What the residents are discussing is known only to themselves. Many speculate buttsecks.
Alert's Lounge- In the beginning there was the Monster Tavern and the spammers saw it and it was good. However, the Monster Tavern past away into legend as it fell into disrepair. All was not lost however, as spammers tried to emulate the majesty of the fabled tavern. One humble spammer, in honour of the old ways set up a lounge. A powerful place, full of cookies and chat. The lounge was named in his honour and whilst his name may change, it is still known after his true name: Alert_911.
Royal Manlove society- A fairly gay old society where men express their true feelings. Other than that its mostly a place of sodomy and the infamous "mantrain". If lubricant and penor's excite you, please inquire at the local lust filled manwhore's residence, i.e., find where Makari is currently mantraining.
Aurelian's Super Awesome Matchmaking thread- Need to desperately seek the non-existent girls of the internet? Looking to have a good time? Well go no further as Aurelian's Super Awesome Matchmaking thread is for you!
[size=3]Disclaimer: said thread is will not provide any match and most likely used to fund Irish's attempts to buy his own Caribbean Island. [/size]
Who do you think is the person that is going to post AFTER you?- A thread with the purpose of predicting who will post next. Often the residents are extremely powerful in predicting who will post next and often great chains of posts will occur with the spammers predicting correctly. It has been suggested that they know the fate of the spam board.
There are often other famous and mystic threads but these are the most well known. Others like the Monster Tavern exist only in legend whilst some appear like a bad penny only to fade away again to wait for another time where they can pwn.
This is it for the spam board tourist guide, we hope you can survive the spam board and post again. Other threads coming soon include the Spamboard HoF section (brought to you by Irish and team) which gives a detail history of the board.
[size=1]Any mutilations caused on the spam board are not in anyway shape or form connected to the guide, it is your own fault.
This is not intended to actually be true. If you do follow this advice and end up being warned, banned, etc it is your own fault.
If you can read these then I own your soul
Any mutilations, putdowns caused by JCH/irish/me are incidental and is probably because you have been emo/lacking intelligence.
Chryssie is the best Mod of this section ever
Seriously why did you read this. Please, if you have read this far you have been severely buttsecksed.
Thanks to Irish and Chryssie for helping[/size]
The post was edited 2 times, last by Largenton ().