Darth Zero = 0+0=0.....just like your name.
"A" for effort, "F" for execution Mr. Zero. You need to stop repeating basic lines/words, and def shouldn't have tried to drop a chorus in the middle of your own execution/bloodbath. Had you bodied someone first, then drop a chorus, dance a jig, sing away, do what ever u want....had you left a body......but here....you the only body left.
You should have wrote your own eulogy, it would have made more sense.
Honestly Zero, that second set of bars is extra horrible. Don't quit your day job. Listen to more skilled rhymers to help you elevate your flow and delivery. Here are a few artists you might want to check out. They will show you the way..........Vakil, copywrite, sean price, gza, ill bill, cassidy, joell ortiz, crooked I, El P, dizzy wright, cyhi, locksmith, R.A. the ruggedman, jadakiss, Marlon Craft, and any freestyle from team backpack. Listen, learn, then up your skill set/game killa.......keep practicing. After 10k hrs, who knows, you might end up super nice.